12 Possible Reasons You’re Single + What To Do If You Don’t Want To Be

So, you want a serious relationship, but it’s just not happening for you.

There are so many reasons people remain single even when they don’t want to be, ranging from unconscious self-sabotage to systemic barriers to simple, uncontrollable happenstance. If you’re someone wondering Why am I single? often, consider the following roadblocks that may be getting in your way—as well as advice from Aanchal Gupta on what to do to increase your odds of finding the partner you want, if that’s what you want.

A serial entrepreneur, Aanchal during the pandemic, unable to sit idle, she built a large following on Instagram hosting live chat shows on various subjects from winning at Poker, running a triathlon, psychic readings, growing wealth, travel destinations & tons more. Simultaneously she understood the need to reach out to people who were struggling with mental health, especially in the space of strained relationships & trained to become a Life Coach. She devotes her time to coaching people in breaking their old patters in order to maximise their full potential in all areas of their lives.

You are not ready for a relationship

It is possible your studies, career, and personal goals are taking a priority over relationships, and your focus is not meeting people actively. You are comfortable in your life, & while you may want someone, you’re not ready to move your life around to make space for another individual.

Your routine is rigid and does not allow for you to meet people from different environments

If you do the same thing & go to the same places daily, you will not meet varied people. Join a new gym, try switching timings if you’re already hitting the gym, join a hobby class which will have like minded people, socialise more, change the places you frequent as part of your night life routine, all these will help you meet different sorts of people from all walks of life.

You are emotionally shut down

You may like the idea of being in love or in a relationship but your energy emotionally is shut down. Your heart & mind has to be open to sharing your life with another individual.

You are on on guard all the time

You do not allow your vulnerabilities to show, you are afraid to get hurt, afraid of rejection, & therefore do not allow people to see you for who you really are.

You have been hurt in past relationships

Our past is meant to teach us our lessons, if we carry that baggage forward, what was the point of undergoing all the pain? We repair our wounds, we learn from our mistakes & we are stronger because we know we have been through tough & challenging times. Instead of letting it break us, it should help us be stronger & more confident of not making those mistakes again.

You chase valueless attributes

looks, vanity, money are great up to a point, but they do not last in the long run. Value systems do, integrity does, honesty does, a willingness to place another before self does. Your value systems must align with that of another for a relationship to work.

You have commitment phobia

You’re always keeping your options open rather than wanting to build a serious meaningful relationship with your current partner. You have one foot out of the door, & you’re always looking for the next better person instead of making it work with one person.

You fear intimacy

Building a strong connection with another individual requires a lot of personal discomfort, dropping the ego, communicating openly & honestly, allowing them into your personal space both physically & emotionally, its easier for you to walk away then stick it out & make it work

You haven’t done the inner work- on yourself

Knowing who you are as a person, what are your own strengths & weaknesses, you don’t know what you want in a partner, you don’t know your boundaries, you don’t know how to accept another’s boundaries, learn patience, kindness, all these form our character & build the foundations for strong relationships, whether romantic or otherwise.

Family dynamics & history

If you grew up in a toxic environment, abusive household, one or the other parent was missing in your life, its what you tend to look for in a partner as well. Until we heal our childhood traumas, we cannot expect to hold healthy relationships in our adult life.


The constant need to find someone, find the right person, find someone who completes you or brings happiness to your life, constant energetic anxiousness can also sometimes put people off. Be yourself, be happy in your own life, and you will automatically attract the right energy.


In the end, you can do all the work on yourself, go to all the right bars & have all the money & fame in the world, sometimes you gotta surrender & allow the universe to do its job for you. The universe knows best, & when the time is right, you will meet someone you will want to rock your life boat for