– Shahzeen Shivdasani , Relationship Expert & Millennial Author of the book Love, Lust and Lemons.
Resolving conflicts with your partner can truly seem like a nightmare. I mean, we can sugar coat it all we want, but having to be patient at a time when you’re completely frustrated with the opposite sex since we process information completely differently, can be exhausting. However, we must learn to. Because, if you want a healthy relationship, getting through these moments without it getting toxic is necessary. Take a look at 3 things you can do to resolve conflicts peacefully with your other half.
Post any type of conflict make sure to get off the phone politely (or spend some time in another room if you live with your partner) and only call back and address the argument when both parties have calmed down. Nothing gets resolved until frustration, irritation and anger leave the building.
2 by 1 Rule:
Explaining your side is key but doing it in a way where the other person doesn’t feel attacked, well that’s a talent. Start by giving the person two compliments followed by the complaint. For e.g., If your issue is that they haven’t taken the trash out you will start by saying “ I love how driven you are and I understand that you are stressed right now with work. I also think it is very sweet of you to make my coffee every morning. However, what I need is a little help in the evening cleaning up and would appreciate it if you took the garbage out”. See what you did there? You first showed the person you appreciated whatever they do currently for you and then asked for what you truly need.
Pick your battles:
Part of loving someone is also accepting their flaws. There is no such thing as a perfect relationship. When we commit to a relationship we commit to trying to make a life with each other. There are going to be times where you just need to let things go and not nit-pick. If it is important to you or is affecting your relationship, then obviously address it. However, don’t do this for every small thing as the person will start to feel that you can only love them if they change who they are. And, we all know that no one wants to feel that way, neither is that considered love.
Be smart with how you resolve conflict:
Relationships can go awry because they aren’t handled with care. The person you are with doesn’t owe you anything. When they make adjustments they are doing it so the relationship can grow and so that the both of you can be happy. Acknowledge that and go about it wisely.
The only time fights and arguments get out of hand, is when we act on impulse and ego. So act from your heart instead.
After all, isn’t that where love resides?