Yesterday, someone nonchalantly said that what have I achieved in my life? What did I gain or achieve with getting a degree? Kya teer mare hain. It hurt me. It hurt me as I was taken back at the simple and direct question that what have I gained by a degree that is forgotten and is lying somewhere, maybe in the annals of the university. I married young and what did I achieve? It is a question that I think all of us women at this age are grappling with, did we live our lives for the kids , bringing them to life, rearing them , and just assuring that they are capable of a good education, a job, and being able to contribute to the society in a positive way . My not so grey hair say that I am stuck between being young and old where no one needs me.
I have a mind of my own, and my take on life has led to me to pursue something very satisfying, rambling and musings on life, incidents. I will come to what I am, and what have I achieved some other day; that is opening up a Pandora’s box and we will discuss those someday. It’s just too hot ( weather-wise)to discuss something so heavy.
Every day, I read points to make myself a better person, to heal my inner soul, to practice mindfulness, to deal with the stresses of life, all of my social media accounts, apps, and all that I read point to these mindful changes that I need to make myself happy.
Spirituality isn’t a pill that you take or drink like an elixir; neither can someone force-feed it into you. We all have had a religious upbringing and it goes with being brought up in India. For me, spirituality is a personal belief. We all have our take on it. It’s the higher force that keeps everything in balance and is the perfect balance when there is so much chaos in the world. Everywhere there is a chaos that permeates in all of us, in everything we do, something is created, there is a continuous cycle of life and death and the universe practice its powers. It is the permutations and combinations of atoms that follow the delicate balance of life and we realise that He is in us and we are in Him. We all learn that submission is the only way and then only can we have peace.
Till we don’t start to accept ourselves in the way we are, the way God has made us and don’t fight the fact that we are dark, fat, short or too tall, or have freckles or ugly hands or corkscrew curls or have a nose that is like the leaning tower of Pisa . .
I have spent a major part of my childhood by being told that my nose is funny, I have hands that aren’t nice, they are too rough and I was also teased that my nose looked like Frontier Gandhi’s. A particular uncle would come and tell me that its a bit crooked and it needed shaving off. Do you realise the impact that it made on a six-year-old? It continued until I was married. The Nose has its own story to tell.. We all have our scars and stories hidden inside us.
It’s all about self-acceptance and being in a happy place, does it matter how one looks or is when the inner being is so beautiful. We search for him everywhere, looking for the divine everywhere but till we do self-acceptance and realise he is within us, we will be rudderless. In the winds, in the sun rays, in the beauty of life, in the ladybirds and the marks of the leopard. For me, it is how we conduct ourselves with others, to be empathetic and to have the compassion to another living being. The beauty that we seek lies in the other, the spirit of life, the hum, the essence is in all of us as we are all his creations.
The day you decide to accept this and keep this as a fundamental thumb of the rule, more than half the problems finish. It is our preconceived notions of others that become a stumbling block and we raise our shackles and defences. It’s the human minds finest defence mechanism and we raise our walls against others.
Every day when you wake up how many times do you check yourself against a mental image that has been created by clever marketing strategists that makes you feel less ? You are told to have no spots have great luscious hair , and a perfect body, the perfect nails and the no spot skin, to wear the smartest clothes, and to be picture-perfect all the time . Heaven forbid that you might have an extra inch somewhere or you don’t measure and fit into the box that is the benchmark to being millennial smart. I know of women and men who constantly fight this.
Can I know of all the pain and insults and shaming you all have faced? So, we may take this journey forward?