By Ravneet Sangha
An interesting question had popped up in one of the story ( Instagram one and not the Bollywood potboiler or the ongoing pandemic ) , it was why do women bring down other women and as always I couldn’t keep from replying and then this article came into being . A highly addictive web series is on , its called Churail and its airing on ZEE5 . In no way is this a paid sponsorship , all I ask for is good coffee and some cake . Do watch it and its the same psyche all over , men astray and have affairs and the wives wish to take revenge , in some cases prevent ..and so forth . I don’t want to let the plot out . Why do women talk, bitch , gossip , moan about other women , why are they nasty , why are they jealous , why are they envious?
I feel it comes out because of a lot of reasons ,women have pre designated roles to play in the society , their families . We are social selves and we have defined roles that pressurise us , which in turn lead us to having duality . Women are relationship oriented ,where we will strive to build bonds always and that’s an be seen as a threat to other women as they are also trying to build their relationship but feel threatened as they feel you are better . It stems from low confidence , lack of self esteem or anxiety . We also pick up more intuitively the body language of people around us and know the nuances faster .
We have always wanted the approval of others , call it genetic conditioning or the fact millions of years of being subservient and seeking the stamp from men have made us like this. How many of you do things for yourself ? It is always to seek a yes from people , society , co -workers, colleagues ,boss, in laws , children , husband . The constraints and rules are laid down in black and white , but they are unwritten , invisible and handed down generation after generation . It’s the good girl conditioning . I also feel that our culture focuses on appearances , beauty , weight . We believe that our outward appearances are more important than our lived appearances.
It’s shallow world, yes , hence women judge . It’s a simple equation that women try to win or leverage their position in front of the male and they will bring down the other because of jealousy . A jealous person can have it all, cars , money , clothes , every materialistic possession but the they get jealous of your vie , your essence that cant be contained . Their is an energy , an aura, a glow that cant be matched by them hence they talk, or bring you down to a lower level and that can be use mere gossiping or commenting and to sow a seed of doubt.
Look around you , you are always judging , oh why is she fat , why is she not taking are of herself , why is she wearing that color, why is she posting so many pictures , why is she doing this? Instead , how many of you say good for her , maybe she needs help , how many reply on each other’s posts , or compliment or build her up , or build and adjust her crown so she may shine higher , better .
When ever , someone gets assaulted , raped or acid is thrown , we will rush to judge and say oh she wore short clothes , why was she walking alone , why was she doing this? In the web series , its the woman who is entrapping the man , the poor man has no say , he just gets into an affair . It’s not his fault . The woman is blamed as if the man just lies down like a mummy (pun intended ) .
I would just like to say we have a hidden power , and collectively we have impact and we can change everything . Traditionally we are told to be competitive because the best woman wins and they’re are a few jobs at the top.
Women have faced an unconscious bias always , just shown in Gunjan Saxena , and yes by challenging the traditional roles we can break the stereotypes and that can only happen if we support each other. Just start by being kind , and having a voice together . Don’t demoralise, demean or bring her down , she also needs a shoulder to lean on. Being threatened by her isn’t going to help. And ‘ her success is not your failure