Given that today is Mother’s Day I wanted to take this opportunity to express my feelings as a daughter with a Mother who passed away May 20, 2018. Yes, just eight days shy of the day my Mother left me.
It feels emotionally and physically like a detachment from the umbilical cord of my Mother’s love and care. Clearly, I’m having a tough time with the loss of the one person where, no matter what, there was an unconditional love and friendship that we shared.
Of course, it wasn’t always rosy, after all she was my Mother. We did, at times, irritate one another, push one another’s buttons where it triggered some frustrating conversations. Yes, it’s true, on one or two occasions we did hang up on one another (not proud of that – either of us). We were however very quick to apologise when one of us were in the wrong.
We hated not “liking” one another. It bothered us. I can guarantee you that whenever there were ill words spoken on the phone, upon hanging up, one of us would redial so that we could discuss our anger, frustration, or whatever “it” was.
When my Father died in December of 2005 it was a huge blow. I loved my Dad. He was my sounding board. Despite my Mom going through her own grief, she was there to comfort me. Now that my Mother is gone, I feel an enormous void in my life. One that no matter how wonderful my other relationships are it’s not the same.
Interestingly, no matter what your age, if you were close to your parents, it really does feel like abandonment or being orphaned when both parents are gone. It’s such a selfish emotion to want your parents in your life always.
I wasn’t really prepared to experience the emotions I now have with my Mother’s passing. It’s a lot harder than I thought. It’s sure a lot lonelier than I could have imagined.
When my Grandmother died, my Mom’s Mother, I could see and feel the pain my Mother went through. She was an only child. Her brother died when he was 18 months of Pneumonia. My Mother was very close her Mom. There wasn’t one day that went by where she didn’t miss her. At the time I was there to comfort her and yet I didn’t fully understand her pain – until now.
We’re human beings capable of so much. We have little trouble being sympathetic to one’s emotions, and yet we have a hard time being empathetic if we haven’t gone through the same situation or circumstance. Hence the true meaning of the word.
I didn’t intend this article to be a downer. I’m going to switch it up and end with – it’s …
A day to be thankful for the Mother’s and/or female caregivers/protectors in our lives, whether they’re here or passed on.
I’m grateful for the relationship I had with my Mother. All of it. The good, bad and the down right ugly. It meant that we were invested in our relationship and intertwined within our lives. It was very personal. A Mother/Daughter bond is like no other. There’s a familiarity with one another. An understanding. And most importantly, a loving bond.
I don’t have to tell you, although, I guess I am. If you’re fortunate to have your Mother in your life, cherish the time you have with one another. Whatever that looks like for the two of you.
Today I’m not taking my Mom out for lunch, or physically getting together. She is however, branded in my heart and forever in my memories.
I Love You, Mom.
Forever your daughter xo