By Arpita Bhandari, Life Strategist,Transformational Facilitator for Parenting Skills, Self-Awakening & Relationships.

Pressure Struggles: 

The Time and age that we are in, do you think only academics and the co-curricular activities will make them excel in their lives? Adolescence is a very tricky period. An age where the changes are in multifolds, which can leave us with a sense of whiplash. The changes they are going through are all being driven by the brain that is undergoing a massive shift, where the cells are renovating and rewiring themselves to make new connections. 

As millennial parents we are struggling and working rigorously, to change our ways and means of dealing with the Gen-Z generation. We tend to falter many times succumbing to our core beliefs and understanding of parenting, which we experienced as children. There is a need for independence and freedom in the Gen-Z generation of freeing themselves of all expectations. They feel their generation is very different from what their parents or the society expects from them. 

Root Cause of Pressure 

Have you ever wondered why your child feels pressured? Where is it stemming from? We as parents believe it’s their peers, external factors, academics, etc. We fail to understand the root cause of this pressure stems from their immediate surroundings. The pressure stems from the child wanting to be accepted and appreciated for his/her efforts. 

The word ‘ pressure’ arises from the way parents treat their kids. The kids are modelling their parents. How each parent deals with pressure has an enormous effect on the child. The child absorbs the behavioural patterns of their parents, which are stored in their subconscious mind. When faced with difficult situations they reflect the same patterns. 

It’s very important for a parent to match their words with their actions. 

PAUSE REFLECT and REACT. 

We as parents tend to micromanage our kids constantly by hovering around them not giving them their space. We must allow them to falter or learn from their own mistakes. This leads to a child feeling high pressure to perform and consistently having to please the parents to receive appreciation. This starts from a very young age, as parents are living in the future self of the child. Not realising the damage they are causing, leaving the child to believe he/she is not “good enough” leading to complete dependency to perform. 

Consequences of Pressure 

We as parents, are hardwired to focus on all the negatives over positive actions due to our early age conditioning. Constantly correcting our children is the first reaction we restore to as parents. This develops a low self esteem in the kid and it has grave impact on their future. We ignore the positive, having the belief that our kids should not be praised for doing good – rather they need pressure to improve and show great results. 

We as parents tend to micromanage our kids constantly by hovering around them not giving them their space. We must allow them to falter or learn from their own mistakes. This leads to a child feeling high pressure to perform and consistently having to please the parents to receive appreciation. This starts from a very young age, as parents are living in the future self of the child. Not realising the damage they are causing, leaving the child to believe he/she is not “good enough” leading to complete dependency to perform. 

Mind your words: 

We as parents use these phrases often; 

“We always want our kids to be happy”

“I am trying to do what’s best for my child” 

“My child can do whatever they desire” 

“You don’t need to put so much pressure on yourself” 

Though these statements are repeatedly made to our children, we are yet interfering at every step very unknowingly. 

The parental pressure to raise an uber-successful child has never been felt so intensely. In Last two decades, we have experienced a massive shift in terms of technology, social media, liberty and accessibility to the materialistic pleasures of life. The need to live up to others expectations is causing emotional imbalance leading to high social pressure. 

Children who can only perform under pressure can suffer from constant anxiety. High amounts of stress can lead to depression and other mental and physical health issues. Parents must encourage their kids to do their best but they must be motivated with constant praises and acknowledgements to ensure they enjoy what they do and are not under pressure. 

Tips from Arpita B to deal with pressure: 

The peer pressure to fit in and body image is sabotaging the child’s self worth. This pressure leads to children doubting their potential and diminishes their ability to perform by constantly having the need to fit in. It’s a struggle to cope up with the social and physiological aspects for the Gen Z adolescents. As parents we need to be more mindful and aware of not succumbing to the pressure our children are experiencing. Instead a daily communication with your child at the end of the day will build a stronger connection, a better understanding of your child’s needs and wants, a doorway to understanding their feelings and emotions better. 

• Allowing them to make mistakes and face natural consequences when appropriate, can be some of life’s greatest learnings. 
• Our role as a parent is to make our children self reliant. 
• At the end of the day, review your interaction with your child. Be a good listener by allowing your child to express freely. 
• You are a key player in your child’s life, they learn to imbibe confidence, hard work and excellence from you. 
• It is your responsibility to teach your child to accept failure without losing heart. Failure is a cue to seek opportunity and to learn the lessons of life. 
• Build a bond which is free of pressure but full of understanding, respect,authenticity, gratefulness and love.