Untitled Emotions {The Realities of Being Bipolar} by Kartika Sharma

“If you ever decide to get married, how are you going to explain your medication?”, “Get over it”, “Make yourself strong”, “Meditate” and the worst….“Be positive”!!

Few of the bits of advice and questions, I face every day, not by strangers but by the ones near and dear to me. But what exactly did I do to be in the limelight? The answer is ‘I’m Bipolar’. Yes, B-I-P-O-L-A-R!!!

A word with a lot of curiosity but a good kind. The simple concern of everyone, how did she turn out to be crazy? We were good as a family, then what happened? Must be an evil eye! She should get married, it’ll be good for her.

Being Bipolar

Ladies and gentlemen let me clarify a few things about my situation, but before that let me introduce myself, I’m Bipolar. Hope you guys are hale and hearty (Mentally)! I’m 5 years old and I can assure you growing up is so difficult! People look at you as if they are looking at some wonder of the world. I mean c’mon I’m a normal girl. Yes, Normal!

Being Bipolar is normal! Now don’t get me wrong, of course, your brain goes into a whirlwind but eventually, you learn how to manage it. Your imagination gets inspired from Japanese bullet train, but you learn how to slow it down and convert it into Indian Railways. Your emotions turn into a rollercoaster of Disney world but suddenly they become the merry go round of a Dussehra Mela by your own efforts.

Your effort, or shall I say my effort! Yes, I put in a lot of effort in the way I live. Sadly no one sees it, and neither can I showcase it. You know why? Because its taboo being bipolar. You can’t share your secret. You can have sex with someone, but you can’t tell that someone you’re bipolar because he might lose interest in you. I mean, seriously? The problem is with my brain, not with my vagina.

The best part of life comes in the form of relatives who finds out about your problem and then offers you the biggest blessing/advice of your life, “Get Married”! Okay. “ You should get married everything will be fine after that” How? You know girls have desires? Your problem might be because you’re single, once you get into the family life, i.e. sex, you’ll be happy.

Also, the fact that I’m an Atheist is also quite nerve wrecking. You know God is punishing me for not believing in her/him! I should pray to fix myself.

Now things like these on regular basis makes me wish for a magic wand which can enlighten them, but wishes are wishes, after all, they never get fulfilled.

Now a piece of advice from my side, never tell a person struggling to maintain balance, that he/she isn’t giving their best or isn’t trying hard enough. Never tell a person suffering, ‘To Be Positive’. Positivity isn’t a pill one can pop. We try, we really do, if you don’t believe me, read this piece repeatedly. I’ve written it, I could have been in a grave but I’m sitting here penning down my thoughts. The effort I had to put in to not take my own life is much worthier than the effort Indian cricket team puts in their matches.

I have a job and I’m quite good at it. Every morning I try to get up and get out when all I want to do is stay shut in the house. I deck up, not for the world but for myself, so that I don’t look like Ariel’s aunt Ursula. I’m not denying that at times I feel like her but still we don’t want to wreak havoc.

Now let me guide you through the things which you can do if you know someone who suffers from the same problem.

Be Positive- Yes, you be positive because your positivity helps us.
Never tell them to shake it off because they really can’t. It’s like telling Batman to leave vigilantism.
Accept- Yes, this too is your doing because we accept the moment we find out, it ’s people around us who struggle with the idea.
Hold your tongue if you really don’t have anything helpful to say. Believe me that goes a long way.
Never ever tell them to stop crying, if we want to cry, let us cry. You can’t handle it, Get Lost!!

Now let us come to God!! As far as my belief system goes, I believe in myself. It was shaken for years bygone but now I believe in myself! I don’t care if you don’t. I don’t need to bow my head in front of anyone out of fear, I can surely bow out of respect! My spirituality lies in my trying to be there for everyone. To be kind and polite, away from political and religious foolhardiness. My spirituality lies in the fact that anyone and everyone is to be treated with courtesy and should not be looked down upon based on any diversity.

Every day we read some of the other problems being created based on diversity, which shakes the idea of secularism on which our country was built. People killing each other over trivial matters, behaving in an indescribable manner. No one raises a brow!

Yet, I’m being labelled mad and my untitled emotions frowned upon!